M E M O R A N D U M
TO: All Minions Valued Members of the Bill Gates Family
DATE: 09/08/2011
FROM: Timothy Basinger
Hello members of T.H.E. Charity personnel. Now there have been some concerns about the recent breaches in security around the office. Well I just want to assure you now that it is absolutely, without a doubt, none of your business. Seriously, it could not concern you less if it, or you, tried. Now if you’re really getting your panties in a bunch over it then just take a breath and remember; it is literally impossible for anyone outside of this company to commit any kind of crime. I bet all of you are feeling pretty silly about campaigning against letting us analyse your bone marrow now. Fingerprints? We’re way ahead of the game. But as I was saying, it is due to these protocols that we can say without a shadow of a doubt that no one outside of the Organisation could have infiltrated our defences so let’s put that little theory to rest.
Now, if you still find yourself losing sleep over this, a series of redundancies which the pay roll chaps are referring to as “Holy mother of fucking God” will be taking effect tomorrow so at the very least, you’ve got something else to focus on.
Dictated but not written by
Timothy “Big Man” Basinger
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