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TO: L.CRANE@B&MGFOUNDATION.ORG

FROM: S.BUCA@B&MGFOUNDATION.ORG

SUBJECT: Re: TPS Memo

Hi Lucy,

This isn't about the report - I'll have that done by monday... This is a little more personal. On many levels, I shouldn't even be sending this message. Depending on your reaction towards it I could be embarrassed, mocked, humiliated, even fired - But, my therapist spent an hour (which alone was about £40 of my grandparent's money) telling me that my negative world view is caused by a failure to take the initiative, and that he can't help me unless I help myself (bastard still takes debit, credit and cheque, though), so here it is - the initiative.

Since finishing my masters, I've found it hard settling into "professional" life, I guess I'm just built for a diet of milkless golden grahams and daytime TV. People here ignore me: the worker ant flyerers in the street, the gossipy trouts on the front desk, the copy-and-paste office monkeys upstairs... Not sure what's with all of the animal kingdom metaphors, but you get my point, I'm unpopular. I mean, hell, somewhere between my poor personal hygiene, novelty ties and Farscape posters, it's easy to see why. But you're kinda different, you're the first woman to have the cubicle next to mine and not request a transfer out of town... And did you know, in all my time here you're the only person who's ever saved me a slice of cake during "bring a cake to work Friday"? Doesn't sound like a lot, but it went a long way to preventing me initiating "bring a submachine gun to work Monday".

I know I'm not "your type", I've seen you talking to Jesse, that flyerer who blathers about fighting the plight of the 3rd world with a tear of hope in his eye - It's bullshit, he's done it to every woman in the office, he's trying to get laid. He doesn't give a fuck about the 3rd world, I'm pretty sure he votes UKIP. My point is, I'm not "your type", but you're accepted that I exist, that's a start, isn't it? We could have a cultural exchange, I'll wear deodorant and try to figure out what "psitrance" is, and we can go to my bedsit and watch Ultimate Force. It'll  be great! Plus we both like coffee revels!! I'm basically your perfect man!!1

I'm not saying that this'll be a fairytale romance, or a passionate love affair, or even a sensible thing to do, but if you want to go for coffee, or maybe a drink, it'll go some way towards convincing me that there's a reason I get up at 7AM, sit on a bus full of dead eyed commuters, take shit from faux-moralistic douchebags who can't figure out how to hide their porn, then deliver pizza to said douchebags who have come home to a loving wife they're cheating on before heading home and eating a carcinogenic microwavable lasagne in the dark. Give it some thought, anyway.

See you on Friday, I'm bringing Victoria Sponge!

- Sam